I am in the computer center at the Evergreen State 24/7 Folk Life Festival [college]. (Sorry, the folk-life festival joke NEVER gets old.) Anyway, being here in the computer center reminded me of last year when I would come in here every day and encounter patchy beard guy.
I mean, Patchy Beard Guy wasn't bad. He could've been hot. It he would just realize that patchy beards are NOT hot. Eventually, he figured it out, and shaved his patchy beard. But some "Evergreeners" are not so lucky.
This is the best I could come up with, which really isn't very good, because George Clinton's beard is somewhat filled out, and he doesn't go to Evergreen. But you get the point. Normally, a beard would be about that length and texture, but have clear holes where the hair wouldn't grow as long. Don't ask me why, cause I don't know.
All I know is that this is a crime. Beards are sexy. Patchy beards are not. If your beard could be considered "patchy", "unkempt", or "inconsistent" it is time to shave. You are permitted to start over again, but again, if it takes on one of the above attributes, or anything similar, it is time to shave again.
Summary: Beards=Sexy. Patchy and Unkempt Beards=Not Sexy.
Thank you, and